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Stories You'll Find Here:
1.
When I found out I had Herpes
2.
Beginning to Feel Confident with Myself Again
3.
Hope After Herpes
4.
My Story
5.
Educating the public about oral
herpes/spreading
6.
Scared and Confused
7.
Sharing Information
8.
My thoughts about contracting Herpes
When I found out I had Herpes I
had barely finished my first semester of college when I found out I
had herpes. A high school friend and I wound up taking our
friendship a little further, and 20 seconds into the act that would
change my life forever, he stopped.
My friend said I was too much like a sister, and he couldn't
continue. Then he left. I worried about how that incident would
affect our friendship. Little did I know my worries would extend far
beyond that concern.
Less than a week later, I found myself in excruciating pain. It hurt
to walk, and I couldn't use soap anywhere near my genital area. I
knew enough about sexually transmitted diseases to know that I had
herpes, but I didn't know exactly what to do.
The Diagnosis
As I sat in the college health center waiting to see a doctor, I
watched my very short-lived social life drift by. I was thinking
that I'd probably never go on another date, or get a boyfriend for
that matter, and I'd certainly never have sex again.
The nurse who examined me revealed that she had herpes and said it
was no big deal. She had been free of outbreaks for 12 years, and
the same might be the case for me, she said.
Genital herpes is a contagious viral infection that remains
permanently in the nerve cells. Many people are unaware they have
it, because they don't experience symptoms or because they attribute
the symptoms to something else. During an outbreak, blisters or
sores appear on or around the genital area. Some people never
experience a second outbreak.
The nurse taught me how to manage the virus, but managing my
personal life was another story.
The Encounter
When I confronted my friend about the situation, I asked if he knew
that he had herpes. ''I thought it was a cut,'' he said.
''How would you cut yourself there?'' I asked.
Years later, I've come to the realization that he knew he had
herpes, and that is the reason he stopped in the midst of our sexual
adventure. Our friendship, unfortunately, ended as quickly as the
act. It was hard enough to face the fact that we'd had sex, or tried
to, and it was much harder to cope with the fact that I had caught
an incurable sexually transmitted disease.
The Silent Approach
In 1989, when I got herpes, the nurse told me I couldn't transmit
the virus unless I was having an outbreak. (At the time, many
doctors and other health care providers believed this to be the
case, although a number of research studies had already suggested
otherwise.) So, I decided to keep quiet. For three years, I had a
boyfriend who never knew I had herpes. Each time I had an outbreak,
which for me consisted of a very small cluster of blisters that
lasted two or three days, I'd pretend I had a yeast infection and
say I couldn't have sex until it was gone.
By the time I finished college in 1994, the possibility of spreading
the virus even when you didn't have an outbreak had become more
widely accepted by health care providers. I was still uncomfortable
about bringing up the subject, but now I didn't have much of a
choice. I didn't date for awhile, but inevitably, I met someone.
Telling All
I held off on sex for as long as I could, but it got more and more
difficult. One day, my new beau reassured me, "I'm disease-free, I
just got tested. You have nothing to worry about."
I appreciated his honesty and knew I had to tell him that he was the
one who had something to worry about.
Soon, my secret was out. I explained that I had herpes, and that was
why I was being so cautious. I told him that to my knowledge I had
never spread the virus to anyone else, and that I was very careful.
I had always insisted on using condoms, which can reduce the risk of
transmission. My selling point, however, was telling him that
approximately one in four people has herpes and, statistically
speaking, he undoubtedly had slept with someone who had herpes. He
said he would know if he had been with someone who had herpes.
"How?" I asked.
He thought about that for a minute and then realized he might not
know. In the end, instead of rejecting me, he chose to continue our
relationship. What a relief. But after we had sex, he would always
wash himself like a doctor scrubbing down for an operation. I could
hardly blame him, but it wreaked havoc on my self-esteem. Since he
was disease-free, he refused to wear condoms, instead choosing the
scrub-down -- something that would do nothing to prevent herpes
transmission.
That relationship eventually came to an end, leaving me worried yet
again about getting back in the dating game. Then, while surfing the
Web for information on the latest herpes medication, I stumbled
across a web site for people with herpes.
Finding Help and Support
There are dozens of web sites that provide online support and
information for people with herpes. Many feature chat rooms,
bulletin boards, treatment information, personal ads, and social
groups around the world. A friend of mine had recently married a guy
she met on the Web -- proving that not every Internet date is a
psycho -- so I gave it a try.
I met dozens of electronic pen pals and eventually went on several
dates. It was a relief not to worry about when to bring up my
medical history, and to bond with a guy over asymptomatic shedding
instead of having to explain it.
The whole experience made me more comfortable with the fact that I
have herpes and gave me the confidence to begin dating again. It was
as if I had just re-entered mainstream society. Not everyone with
herpes has to date someone infected with the virus to find true
love, but in my case, it worked.
Mr. Right Online
Eventually, I met a man online who lived only three miles from me.
We discovered we had numerous mutual friends. Given the
circumstances, it was surprising that we hooked up on the Web and
not at a neighborhood barbecue.
Soon we will be married, and more than 100 family members and
friends are invited to join our celebration. Most have no idea how
we really met, but it's not important. Herpes brought us together,
but it's the love, laughter, and good times that keep us close.
Ann Smith is a pseudonym for a journalist living in California.
(Original Story -
WebMD)
REFERENCE:
WebMD Feature Reviewed by Charlotte E. Grayson
Mathis, MD
Beginning to Feel Confident with Myself
Again
I am 18 years old and 4 months ago (one week before my 18th b-day) I
had noticed some sores in my genital area. I scheduled an appt. with
my gynecologist and right after looking at them she knew what was
wrong with me. She told me that I had genital herpes. I couldn't
understand what she was saying. I was thinking she had to be wrong,
this couldn't happen to me. She told me she was sure that's what I
have and I was hysterical. I would have rather been dead. I thought
that anyone that I told would back away from me and not want to come
near me. I felt so disgusted and ashamed of myself I could hardly
stand to look in the mirror. I didn't know what to do, I needed
someone to lean on and help me through this but I was so ashamed of
myself.
I called my step mom crying hysterically and she came to pick me up
at the doctor's office. I could hardly tell her what I found out.
Just saying the words 'genital herpes' was too hard to do. She was
very sympathetic towards me but I didn't understand, her and the
doctor were both telling me it wasn't the end of the world but in my
eyes it was! How could anyone say everything would be OK and I would
get through it? I couldn't even grasp the concept of having a normal
life ever again.
Since that day I have researched it a lot and I have come to terms
with it. I know now that it's not the end of the world and I can and
am living a normal life. It has only been 4 months since I was
diagnosed but I am already OK with it. There are times when I still
get very upset over it but overall I have regained my
self-confidence. I can hold my head up high again and be proud of
who I am. I still wonder "Why me?" and I wonder also who gave it to
me and when exactly I got it but I understand those are questions
that I will never have answered. All I know is I have it and I have
to take care of myself and be sure not to spread this on to others.
I have not had an outbreak since the first one 4 months ago and all
I can do is take care of myself in hopes of reducing a recurrence. I
will not give this to anyone because I know what it feels like.
Someone I trusted and felt close to was careless and didn't worry or
care about passing this on to me so all I can do is make sure I do
my best not to pass it on to anyone else. I hope my words and
experience with this can help others learn to be OK with themselves
after being diagnosed with this. Life does go on and you can be
happy!!!
Hope After Herpes
I found out I had genital herpes 6 years ago. I had just accepted my
boyfriend's marriage proposal one month before. I was devastated. I
argued with the doctor. I refused to believe that I had herpes. I
left the office, hysterically, in tears. After sitting in my car for
about an hour, I went to the pharmacy to fill the Valtrex
prescription. The pharmacists looked at my red, puffy eyes, and said
"Everything will be okay." I decided immediately to tell my fiancé.
The last time I was sexually active with another man had been
about a year and a half before. I wasn't sure if I had contracted
the disease from my previous partner or my fiancé. While having
sex, a few days earlier, we both noticed a small cluster of bumps on
my buttocks. I had a slightly tingly and itchy feeling in this area
for a few days. After I explained to him what the doctor said, we
hugged each other.
We have been married 5 years and we have a 3 year old son. I had
a problem free vaginal birth. With a few extra precautions,
everything has been okay! I was able to work through the emotions
associated with this diagnosis by reading, researching, and learning
more about the disease. I am not sure from whom I contracted genital
herpes. To this day, my husband has shown no sign of symptoms. But,
I know from experience that there is life after genital herpes!
My Story
As I walked up to the department of health, my heart was pounding. I
was almost crying before I got inside. I'm 16 now and was only 15 at
the time. Once inside, we waited for about 2 hours to be seen. And
the whole time all I could do was try to ignore the gut feeling I
had about having an STD. I had known something was wrong because it
hurt to pee and I had some sores, but I didn't want to face it. I
was glad my best friend came along to get tested with me.
By the time my number was called I was extremely nervous. The nurse
drew my blood and led me into a room, leaving so I could change into
a gown. What was only five minutes seemed like an eternity waiting
for her to come back. After she examined me, she left and came back
again. She took me to a tiny white room which surrounded me with STD
posters. I had been waiting for about a half hour when I heard my
friend saying thanks and bye to the nurse who had examined her. I
thought "what's going on? Why do I have to stay and she doesnt?" The
nurse finally came back in and my eyes shot to her hand where she
was carrying a prescription bottle and a brochure about something.
In that second, my worst nightmare came true. I saw that the
brochure said herpes on it.
Before she said anything, I was crying hysterically. It felt like
someone had stabbed me in the heart. I was in a state of shock,
barely hearing the words the nurse was saying. After the nurse
thought I had calmed down enough, she gave me the medicine and let
me leave. I walked back out to the waiting room, feeling the stares
of strangers as I left. I knew my friend was fine as soon as I saw
her. She saw my tears and asked what was wrong. I told her and she
hugged me. But I didn't even want a hug, I was too upset. In the
elevator on the way down I just sunk to the ground. I didn't know
what to do with myself. I just wanted everything to go away. I dealt
with this terrible news alone after my friend dropped me off. I
refused to tell my parents. I thought they would hate me and think I
was a disappointment.
At the time I felt incredibly stupid, and I still do today because I
don't even know who it was from. Was it from my ex-boyfriend who was
now one of my best friends or was it the current guy I was dating? I
felt even more stupid after I confronted both these guys and had
them lie to me and refuse to admit that one of them had given me
this disease. I hadn't even had regular [vaginal] sex and look what
happened. I was more scared that day than any other day of my life
so far.
Now that I have the situation under control I am learning to deal
with the emotional issues I have. But it's so hard to go through
this when I am so young. It's difficult to handle at any age, I
know, but I constantly ask why God let this happen to me. I just
wish so hard that I could go back a few months and change
everything. I feel like I can't tell anyone...it's hard for me to
even write this even though it is anonymous because everyone thinks
you have to sleep around to get an STD. They don't realize it only
takes one time. Some days are really hard and I look at the girls at
my school thinking how different I am than them. But everything is
getting better and I try my best to live a normal life. I told my
parents and my mom supports me and tells me everything will be okay,
but some days it is difficult for me to believe her.
[People often find that adjusting to a genital herpes diagnosis
takes some time, but it is very natural to have these feelings. If
you or some you know is dealing with strong emotions related to
being diagnosed with herpes, please know that you can call us at our
National Herpes Hotline (919-361-8488) to talk with a counselor. We
also have
support groups, which can provide comfort.]
Educating the
public about oral herpes/spreading
I contracted genital herpes nearly thirty years ago from my former
husband, who often had cold sores. I had described symptoms to my
doctor, but he passed over it as a "skin irritation," gave me a tube
of "ointment," and sent me on my way! I did not know I had it until
about three years ago, nor did I know I could get it from him. I
was married for several years to another man, who worked in the
medical field, and he never suggested what I had was herpes, nor did
he ever himself have an outbreak.
Now, having been single for 15 years, I realize I could have been
spreading it to others. Never have I heard a commercial for cold
sore medication stating that cold sores are the same virus and can
be transmitted to the genitals through oral sex. If indeed 50 to 80
percent of the American population carry the oral virus, I feel it
is imperative to get that information out, instead of letting people
continue to make genital herpes sound like a
life-threatening plague, and ignore the threat of oral herpes
through oral sex.
Scared and
Confused
I am 23 years old, and I have currently been seeing this man for a
while and the other night we ended up having intercourse. We did use
protection. However he called me the following day telling me that
he has herpes. At first I was very mad, hurt, upset, confused, and
felt betrayed. I really didn't want to have anything to do with him
and I basically said it was over. I did ask some questions such as
how often does he break out (every couple months), is he on any
medication for it (no), and if he was broken out when we had sex
(no). I have not been tested yet, however I am doing it soon. I have
read up on herpes and have gotten a lot of information about herpes
that I never really knew.
I guess basically I don't know if I want to be with him or not.
There are lots of different reasons for why and why I don't want to
be with him.
Number 1, if he would have just told me that he had them, then I
could have made the decision about having sex and we could have
talked about it. I could have gotten a lot of information about it,
but knowing that he lied to me like that is the hardest part, and
not knowing if I can trust him again.
The second is that I feel if I do have herpes then I will see if it
works with him, but now that is not fair, because I think the reason
that I'm doing that is basically because if I do have herpes, then
I'm thinking, "Uh, well I might as well," which is definitely not
fair to me or him. That would be like taking the easy way out.
Third, if I do not have herpes then I really don't know if I want to
continue the relationship. I really care about him, I miss him, and
I think I was beginning to fall in love with him, he is a wonderful
person, he makes me smile, laugh, and forget about all the worries
of the world when I'm with him, but I do have lots of concerns for
the future.
I am really concerned about having children. This might be selfish
in a way, but for example I would prefer to have a vaginal delivery
instead of a C-section. I want to be able to experience that
feeling. I want to go through all of that to see a beautiful baby
coming into this world naturally. I know a lot of this is later in
life, but I do now have to consider these options that I never
thought I would have to.
Sharing
Information
I just found out that I have herpes. I feel ashamed, scared,
betrayed, and mad. I broke up with my boyfriend because he was
cheating on me. Although we used condoms, we did rub up against each
other while we were naked and just before sex. I'm mad because he
never told me that he has herpes. Once I found out that I have
herpes, I was extremely mad at him, but I didn't want to go through
having to talk with him. Since he lied to me before, I didn't think
he was going to be honest with me now. So, I emailed him to let him
know, just in case he didn't know, that he gave me herpes. He, of
course, denied it. He even said that I must have gotten it from a
toilet seat because he doesn't have it. I realize that herpes is
only transmitted from skin-to-skin contact. I advised him to go get
tested.
My Thoughts
about Contracting Herpes
I contracted herpes through my best friend. We had been friends for
two years, but lost touch, and then we reconnected. I trusted him
explicitly. I asked him if he had any kind of STD. He told me 'no'
and I left it at that because I was naive and again, I trusted him.
I felt I had no reason not to. I irresponsibly had sex with him
throughout our new relationship without condoms. My relationship
with him was the most fulfilling of any I had ever experienced. I
was never happier.
Last Thanksgiving, I was going to meet his family for the first
time. They were from a different country and we were all converging
in Virginia, which was a long drive for us. That morning, before
the drive, I noticed I was kind of sore down there. I didn't think
anything of it. About an hour into the drive, I wished I hadn't
worn jeans. It was burning, so I thought it was a yeast infection.
I got some clotrimazole and I thought that would be it. Wrong! The
car ride was agony for me. I spent five minutes meeting his family
and then I made my excuses, saying I was exhausted from work.
I went to the bathroom and I got right up on the sink to see if I
could see anything in the mirror. I looked and I saw little white
things. I almost stopped breathing. I knew I had tested positive
for nothing and I had been faithful. I had no explanation but I
knew something was wrong. He came to check on me after settling in
with his family. I tearfully told him something was wrong and that
I had never cheated on him. I was so worried that he would think I
had done something wrong. He asked to see what was wrong and I
showed him. He turned away from me. I was deeply hurt by that and I
asked him to please talk to me. Honestly, I wanted him to tell me
nothing was the matter; I wanted him to explain it away. He still
wouldn't look at me, so I re-iterated (kind of desperately) that I
had never cheated on him. I was standing up now trying to get him
to look at me. He still wouldn't look at me. Instead, he
whispered his nickname for me and said, "I have something to tell
you." That was it for me. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even
stand up. I fell right to the floor. I couldn't move; I couldn't
speak. I was completely numb. I couldn't believe that he just
confirmed my worse fears, that he had lied to me, that he had
betrayed me.
He told me that his ex-wife had herpes and he caught it from her.
She never told him, he found out while he was deployed. He said
that he was scared to tell me and that is why he never did. After I
got over my shock, I couldn't even be mad. All I could think about
was that I was going to be better than him. I told him I would
never do what he did to me by not telling me. I said I would never
take a decision like that away from someone I respected, loved or
liked. I did not get mad. To make a long story short, I forgave
him right there, telling myself that I was being the better person
by not losing control.
That night, I couldn't sleep at all. He never told his family, so
they all thought I had a bad attitude. My son was there driving
them up the wall. He didn't understand why I was in bed, not paying
attention to him.
The next morning, before anyone woke up, I had him take me the
doctor because I thought I was going to die. It just happened to be
Thanksgiving, so the only place I could go was the emergency room.
I was humiliated. I wanted to hurt him, but I just kept going over
how much better I was by forgiving him and vowing to never be such a
jerk to a sexual partner. Having to go to the pharmacist was the
worst for me. I had to wait there while he filled the prescription
and I knew that he knew why I was getting acyclovir. Up until then,
I had never dealt with anything like this. I was looking at all of
the Christmas ornaments they had at the drug store and I was so
sad. I knew my life would never be the same. Deep down, I knew it
was my own fault for not insisting on protection regardless of
whether or not I trusted him. I just didn't want that kind of
reality at that time. I just wanted to blame anyone but myself.
We got the medicine and went back to his family's place. Everyone
was still sleeping, so I spent all of Thanksgiving racked out on
Percocet. They still just thought I was spoiled. He didn't offer
any kind of explanation other than that I was sick. That night, he
came in to tell me that the family wanted me and my son to leave.
They were having a hell of a time controlling him and well, you can
imagine what else they said. As soon as he told me that, the
effects of the Percocet weakened (at least in my head) and I left
with my son. He offered to drive us home. I agreed. We got home a
few hours later and then he got up and went back to his family.
I spent the rest of that weekend in my bed, crying to my mother. I
was so thankful I saved my Perrier bottle from pregnancy because it
was the only way I could handle using the bathroom. My mother
wanted to kill him and she could not understand why I forgave him
and stayed with him. I ended up staying with him for six more
months before it really dawned on me how much I did not deserve
that.
I understood my blame in the whole situation. It was a hard lesson
but I am now my first line of defense. Telling him to leave and
realizing just how much I am worth was one of the hardest things I
have ever done. He did not understand at all -- he kept saying
things like "it's happened now so just move on," and I truly feel
bad because he will probably do it to someone else. I just hope
they are not as naive as I was.
I have had two sexual partners since him and both knew from the very
start that I have herpes. I went through all of the information I
had on it, answered their questions, and it was not uncomfortable at
all for me. It made me wonder why he was "scared" about telling
me. I am not ashamed about having it, and someday I would like to
publish a small story about it. I want females to know that, no
matter how young or old they are, or how inexperienced or
experienced they are, they should stand up for themselves.
To share your story about being diagnosed,
dealing with the emotional issues, telling a partner about herpes,
or other comments, please send your email to
contact@valtrex-herpes.com. All submissions are confidential
and anonymous and may be edited for length and clarity. Thank you.
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